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MOVIE REVIEWS
Battleship
Battleship
Chutes and Ladders? Grade: C
Director: Peter Berg (Hancock)
Screenplay: Erich Hoeber (Red), Jon Hoeber (Red)
Cast: Taylor Kitsch (John Carter), Liam Neeson (The Grey)
Battleship the movie is nothing like the innocuous game with little peg boards and plastic ships. It's more simpleminded and in parts as dull as Chutes and Ladders. Yet, it has its moments of summer fantasy explosions as the combined world armies fight some nasty aliens in the Hawaiian Islands and Pearl harbor in particular (imagine that coincidence).

"Nasty" may be a hasty judgment given these clumsy Iron Man lookalikes with their space clunker ships are merely looking for a way to communicate back to their planet. Even though communication is then the object, no one has bothered to establish a liaison. Why? Because it's summer, and our second-rate thrillers must have more explosions than dialogue.

It takes over a half hour to establish Alex Hopper's (Taylor Kitsch)hot shot with potential persona so we can appreciate his transformation later on. That's a half hour without aliens in a movie about aliens. When we do get to battle, it's a mash up of armed forces, countries, and veterans with a mothballed ship or two to help wave old glory to allies and those bumbling aliens.

I was still stuck on the illogic of the alien's time travel, if we all accept Einstein's relativity theory and the immutable speed of light. Beyond that disturbing miscalculation is the amusing array of alien ordnance of fiery tires and lobbing mortars.

Well, I had some fun rooting for the Navy, the vets, and the USA rather than director Peter Berg and his CGI toy chest. When the good old battleships spit out their ammo, Tom Cruise and George Bush can stand down in pride. The world is a better place . . .