PEOPLE
"It's not that hell it's this hell, the asymmetrical hell, the portable hell, the grey deconstructed hell of walking on rotten sea ice. The hell with no face tailor made for you. This hell is inside gently ricocheting in your skull like a silent fly, until it coolly breeches your being, shifting the compass point of your fondest dream. Knocking down doors, screaming your secrets. Dragging out everyone you ever knew or imagined. Linking them into a chain gang, snaking its way to your reverse baptism where you squirm through the dirt, a drowning accordion slowly folding in."
Dominic struggles with anxiety, and he says when it gets really bad it's like his imagination becomes his own worst enemy. But writing helps him explore the things in his head.
"It's like some doors are locked and you don't want to open them," he says. "But I'm learning you can crack those doors open a little bit and look inside. You don't have to stare, and you don't have to get locked inside that room, but you can look in and then come back out. It kind of gives me some self confidence, my head's not a thing to be afraid of."
Dominic is part of a writing group and everyone in the group is a military veteran. The group meets regularly at the VA Ann Arbor Healthcare System. It's run by its members…and a professional counselor sits-in on the sessions. Some people were sent here by their doctors. Mostly, the people in the group write and they share their stuff out loud.
Dominic says since everyone in the group has served in the military, it makes writing easier. "We have this thing in common, it's easier for me to open up in front of these people because we have this common experience. Plus it's the old tough guy/tough girl thing. I'd rather open up in front of these people than maybe somebody off the street."
Dominic says opening up in front of other vets makes him feel safe, like he's in good hands.
Philip Larson is a coordinator with the Student Veterans Assistance Program at the University of Michigan. He says writing groups like this one can do a whole lot of good for the people in them. Larson says when the general public and elected officials listen to the vet's writing, it can help them understand a bigger picture and give insight into what it means when we send people into combat situations and put them in harm's way.
"Regardless of what political stance you come down on for a war or a conflict I think the general public needs to know that this is what we're sending our fellow citizens into and these are some of the things they may have to face on the other side of this when they come home."
Larson says when peace is declared or a deployment is over, it is not the end of the war for some folks.
David Helmbold was in the Marine Corps from 1973 to 1975. He was a Vietnam-era vet but did not serve in Vietnam and did not see combat. He suffers from delusions and paranoia. After his time in the military, memories of those experiences began to flood his mind. At first he suppressed them. But now he doesn't.
"When I write about a scene or event that happened in boot camp, it's been sitting in there for now over 30 years and if I write a description of the event when I can get around to it, it's something I can set aside. I'm no longer carrying it on me."
Helmbold thinks everyone can learn something from writing about the experiences in their past, especially the unpleasant stuff. He says if he had done that, earlier, he might be healthier now.
Contact: knorris@umich.edu
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