A-D-D Nation RENO, NV (KUNR) - From time to time, I pick up and re-read a marvelous book titled Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World through Mindfulness by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Kabat-Zinn is a pioneer in using mindfulness and meditation to work with stress reduction and trauma, and is widely respected in the therapy and medical fields for his ability to make meditation techniques accessible to business leaders, medical practitioners, and everyday folks alike.
Kabat-Zinn explores one theme that I found especially resonant probably because it echoes ideas of my own about the invasiveness of modern technology and its damaging effect on family relationships and connection. Kabat-Zinn notes that 30 years ago, no one had ever heard of attention deficit disorder, usually called ADD, but now this diagnosis is widespread and growing among both adults and children. There are obvious links between inability to focus and pay attention and mindfulness practices, but Kabat-Zinn takes the idea even farther. He believes that our entire society suffers from attention deficit disorder, especially ADD with hyperactivity. We can't seem to pay attention to any one thing for more than a few minutes; we're always multi-tasking but not getting any more accomplished.
Thomas Friedman, a writer for the New York Times, has quoted Microsoft researcher Linda Stone as describing our present state of mind as one of continual partial attention. We are all expected to be available 24/7, either face to face or by way of some electronic gizmo. Being unavailable has become unacceptable and unfortunately, this approach to work and to life usually makes us unavailable to our families. We're paying only partial attention to everything and everyone and I can't help but believe that our health, our children, and our important relationships suffer as a result.
Here's an example, from the Sunday New York Times. A former executive for Cisco Systems describes how he now spends only 10 hours per day at work and uses technology to remain in touch the rest of the time. He is at home more, but how present is he? Well, he describes having Lego air fights with his five-year-old son. Both love the game, and dad can play with one hand while he checks his email or talks on the phone with the other. Occasionally, he deliberately crashes his son's plane; while his boy rebuilds his aircraft, dad can answer email on his BlackBerry.
Whatever happened to playing with both hands and full attention? I can't help wondering what the message to this five-year-old really is. Yes, dad is home but what is most important to him, his Blackberry or his little boy? Any child alive can answer that question. Is continual partial attention an effective parenting tool?
You may be muttering that this is really nothing new. Generations of fathers came home from the office, hung their ties over a chair, and poured themselves a martini to watch the evening news. They weren't particularly available to their families, either. And I would agree with you. Raising children takes a lot of energy and awareness. You have to pay attention. Sometimes, kids require all of your attention, even when you have other things to do.
Kabat-Zinn wonders in his book whether the huge numbers of children being diagnosed with attention deficit disorder may actually have been trained to be easily distracted by their parents' lifestyle and the widespread use of electronic gadgets. In fact, some new research indicates that early exposure to computers and video games actually may be changing the way children's brains are wired. Could children be learning continual partial attention from us?
If this is so, Ritalin, Adderall, and other ADD drugs are unlikely to provide anything more than a band-aid. What children and indeed all of us really need is the ability to pay attention, to be mindful, and to practice real awareness. Our lives are passing by and we're never really present for them. Most of us realize that the only moment we truly have is now but how many of us are really paying attention in all the nows that make up our lives?
Here's a homework assignment for you. Take five minutes just five minutes today, or tonight, and try to be fully present. You might go out and sit in the back yard, close your eyes, and just listen to the noises, big and small, around you. Feel your own breath going in and out. When your mind wanders and it will simply pull it back and return to listening and breathing. Then take five minutes and be fully present with your partner or your child. Really look at that person; hear her voice and let the words sink into your mind. If you can, practice some gratitude that you have this moment at all. What do you suppose your life and the lives of those you love might be like if you learned how to pay attention and be present all of the time? For KUNR, this is Cheryl Erwin.
Cheryl can be reached at (775) 331-6723 or at cheryl.erwin@sbcglobal.net. © Copyright 2009, KUNR