Parenting with Cheryl Erwin
(2008-09-02)
Well, it's back-to-school time again. Despite the number of year-round schools these days, lots of kids are returning to school this week, including all of our middle and high school students. Parents usually look forward to the beginning of the school year except for those back-to-school shopping expenses, that is but kids often have lots of mixed emotions, including a fair amount of anxiety. Will I like my teachers? Will my teachers like me? Will I be able to do the work, keep my grades up, make friends, and find a place to fit in?
Parents sometimes do not realize how difficult school can be for their children and I'm not just talking about the academic pressures. Remember, children, no matter how intelligent they may be, are still young, immature, and unskilled. Organizing their work, getting ready for the day, learning how to get along with many different kinds of people, staying out of trouble at home and at school, keeping up with chores and homework, and finding a place to belong are challenging enough. In addition, many kids also are expected to excel at sports and other extra-curricular activities. Not surprisingly, these issues land a lot of children and their parents in offices like mine succeeding in school can be stressful for everyone.
Parents make a huge difference in how the school year goes for their child. Here are a few suggestions to help your child enjoy a positive experience at school this year:
First, pay attention to your own attitude. Your child watches you for signals about everything in life and your attitude your words and your body language communicate your beliefs and expectations to your child. If you approach the new school year with confidence and optimism, your child is far more likely to feel the same way. If you expect to be disappointed, your child may very well live down to your expectations. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, and problems usually have solutions if everyone is willing to work together. Your support and faith mean everything to your child and have a direct influence on whether or not he succeeds.
Second, avoid making school yet another competition. Americans have become intensely competitive about every aspect of life, from grades to fashion to talent to looks. There's nothing wrong with wanting to excel but no child can excel in every area. Do your best to help your child recognize her own strengths and build on them, rather than pressuring her to be good at everything. Children often tell me that they constantly feel they are disappointing their parents. Being smart, athletic, and popular sometimes comes with an unacceptably high price tag for kids.
Next, recognize that homework and other school assignments are a contract between your child and his teacher it's not about you. Your child needs to learn responsibility and motivation, and if you assume all the responsibility for his work, he is unlikely to learn anything valuable. Yes, teachers often push parents to take responsibility for school work and yes, some children really need extra help, but that doesn't mean you have to take charge. Help your child figure out the steps involved in getting work done, then step back and offer encouragement rather than doing the work yourself. Your child will learn far more from her own mistakes than from an A you earned on her behalf.
Get to know your child's teachers and open the lines of communication between school and home. Problems with academic work or behavior are an opportunity to solve problems together and to learn valuable lessons. If you can, volunteer in your child's school. Knowing the teacher and school staff well will help all of you avoid problems.
Last but not least, create a loving and supportive atmosphere in your home. Research shows clearly that stress and conflict at home affect a child's ability to learn in the classroom. Resolving your own emotional and marital issues may be the best way to support your child's academic achievement. On a more practical note, establish practical routines for mornings and evenings. Provide discipline regardless of your child's age that is kind and firm at the same time. Focus on solving problems, rather than assigning blame. Be sure there is time in every single day for conversation and connection. Listen well, and let your child know that you love and support her even when she's struggling. Turn off the electronic gadgets (including your own) and spend time together. And along the way, find time to care for yourself. Parenting takes a lot of energy and devotion; it's hard to do the job well when you are tired and stressed-out.
The school years are busy and often challenging ones, but they are precious, too. Don't get so caught up in the rush of activities and assignments that you forget to enjoy your family. You only get one shot at raising your child well be sure you make it count. For KUNR, this is Cheryl Erwin.
© Copyright 2009, KUNR
