US
(2007-10-08)
RENO, NV
(KUNR) -
Girls and Bullying Cheryl L. Erwin, MA, MFT
September 18, 2007
There's nothing new about bullying. Human beings have pushed each other around, threatened each other, and made fun of each other pretty much since the dawn of time. Research consistently shows that almost all American kids have experienced bullying; they've either been the victim, the aggressor, or a witness. Many parents and teachers think of bullying as something that just goes along with childhood painful and unpleasant, but not really serious. Remember the old rhyme? Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me? Wouldn't it be nice if life really worked that way?
Unfortunately, bullying is far more serious than many adults would like to think. Studies have shown that as many as 160,000 children and teenagers yes, I said 160,000 stay home from school every day because they're worried about being bullied. When you think about the schoolyard bully, you probably picture a tough-looking boy. But girls these days are bullies, too, and sometimes the results are even more insidious than the pushing and shoving that boys tend to do.
When girls bully each other, the experts call it relational aggression. Girls aren't likely to throw a punch, although some do. Instead, they use gossip, rumors, innuendo, and exclusion to threaten or hurt other girls. Girls are also much less likely to fight back or to ask for help than boys are. I hear stories about mean girls every day in my therapy office; it's a widespread problem. And it's far more serious than many adults believe.
Relational aggression has been linked to depression, academic problems, substance abuse, early sexuality and pregnancy, and even suicide. In fact, studies now show that the suicide rates for girls ages 10-14 has gone up as much as 60% in recent years an unbelievably sharp rise. Girl bullying may be at least partly to blame.
Being bullied and excluded by peers and supposed friends can make life a living hell for girls. Being made fun of and demeaned has a deep effect on a girl's self-esteem and self-confidence. Even as adults, many women recall the things other girls said and did to make them feel unwanted and odd, and the pain is still very real. And sad to say, even nice , well-raised girls are sometimes guilty of bullying, or of standing by and saying nothing while someone else is tortured.
I can't stress this strongly enough: girl bullying and relational aggression are something that every parent, teacher, therapist, social worker, youth leader, and school administrator in our community should be deeply concerned about. And in just a few weeks, you will have the opportunity to do something to make a difference.
Those of you who listen regularly to this commentary know that I don't often use this time to promote events, but I'm going to make an exception today. On October 5th and 6th, the Girl Scouts of the Sierra Nevada and Washoe County School District are co-sponsoring a conference on girl bullying. The conference will be presented by a group of women from The Ophelia Project, a coalition of nationally-respected professionals who will teach workshops on how to identify relational aggression and what to do about it. The conference will be held in downtown Reno at Circus-Circus Convention Center and the cost is quite reasonable.
Children and teens in our culture face tremendous pressure, much of it from directions their parents don't really understand. One aspect of The Ophelia Project's mission is to help create safe communities and healthy peer relationships. So, what's safe ? According to the Ophelia Project's website, Safe social climates consist of community members who protect, respect, encourage and hold one another accountable. Relational aggression, covert aggression and bullying including taunting, exclusion, gossiping, or rumor-spreading are not tolerated. Imagine what our communities might be like if all of us could live by those words.
Of course, you don't have to attend a conference to make a difference. If there are any girls and young women in your life, you owe it to them and to yourself to become educated about girl bullying. There are a number of excellent books available, including Odd Girl Out , Queen Bees and Wannabes , and Mary Pipher's classic, Reviving Ophelia. And you can tune in: The next time a girl you know says, she was mean to me , don't just let the moment pass. Show empathy and interest; ask gentle questions and listen well to the answers. Ask your daughters or your students what they know about girl bullying. And get involved: make sure your child's school has an anti-bullying program in place.
You can learn more about the conference on girl bullying at the Girl Scouts of the Sierra Nevada's website, gssn.org, or by calling 322-0642. For KUNR, this is Cheryl Erwin.
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